You are a new big brother, congratulations!

And also, sorry for your loss

Recently, you were suddenly thrown from your comfortable position as the baby of the house.

You are probably going through it right now. Too young to really understand the needs of a new baby, I suspect that from your point of view, Mom just got over giving you all her attention. You went from the only child in the home for half of every weekday, with Mom and you cuddling, reading and playing non-stop. Suddenly you find that you are sharing that attention, and most likely getting the short end of the sharing, with your younger sister. It might be hard to adjust, but you may just discover you have a lot more freedom to explore, imagine, and learn to entertain yourself. It may be a lesson learned through some pain and frustration, but it is one that served me well, and will do the same for you.

As of now, you are a bit of a boy sandwich, surrounded by girls on either side. I am working on cajoling and pestering convincing your Mother that one more child is a great idea, and if so, hopefully you may get a brother as well. Time will tell, although your Mom will tell you that “The Universe gives you what you want” so I like my odds on this. If not, that is just fine. We did not believe we could have children, so having three is a magnificent blessing, as are you. Plus, you have two boy cousins you see constantly, so you guys can beat on each other. Have fun with that, but be careful, the youngest sibling in that family is a tank, and fears nothing.

So far, as an older brother, you have been fairly content to stare at the baby as she sleeps, pat her belly, and “hold” her on the couch with Mom, repeatedly saying “Baby sister, baby sister.” It is adorable and heart melting. I hope you never lose your tenderness and sweetness.

As you grow, in your interactions with your sisters, and their friends, you should take the opportunity to learn how to treat women and girls with respect, understanding that what is acceptable to do to or with your guy’s friends is not necessarily appropriate behavior with women. As a teenage boy, I am sure you and your friends will do some pretty dumb, gross stuff to each other. Knock yourselves out, we are all idiots at that age. That does not mean those same things will be seen as funny by girls, and you should keep that in mind.

It is currently in vogue to pretend there are no differences between boys and girls. This is absolute nonsense. Aside from the very obvious physical differences (it would be weird if Mom’s belly was as hairy as mine), there are also personality differences, predispositions towards certain activities, and sensitivity level disparities. Obviously, there are exceptions to every rule, but across the population, it is pretty clear the differences. Always keep that in mind. Something that you could say to a guy friend in jest may be very hurtful to your sister or a female friend.

You also will find that there is an expectation, and there definitely will be from me, that you look after and take care of your sisters. I say sisters, but I suspect your older sister will probably look after herself. I am slightly concerned she may soon be terrifying boys, as she loves to wrestle and play fight, and is willing to go full steam at everything. Perhaps your younger sister will be the same, but perhaps not.

This is not a call to coddle or defend every slight or stupid thing. Absolutely not. It is a statement that the world offers different dangers to boys and girls, and is not necessarily kind to girls as they go from children to young women. You should be, as should your friends. If someone around you is not, say something. Especially if it is about or directed at one of your sisters.

Hopefully they will learn some things from you as well. As absolutely dumb as this sounds, I suspect your Mother and I might not have worked out quite so well if she did not have brothers. I find flatulence far too amusing to have married anyone who did not have brothers who demonstrated that humor to her. She also talks trash with the best of them, teasing and taking it like a champion. It is possible to give your sisters a hard time without being mean. It is probably good for them to learn that, as it seems that guys inherently get this, and women learn it. I could be wrong, that is just my observation.

There is also the opportunity for you to grow comfortable around young women as you mature, a time when suddenly boys seem to forget everything they know, and resort to a thought process of, “"Duhhhh, pretty girl, do something crazy to get their attention.” I suspect you will have lots of your sisters’ friends around, and may learn quicker than most that just saying “Hello” and being pleasant is sufficient.

For the time being, we are just enjoying watching you discover what babies are like and seeing your awe in having a baby sister. We love you, and I hope that the transition is not difficult. Mom’s attention is not divided because she got over you, you are just getting to an age where you can do a bit more for yourself, and your sister’s need is greater. I love the pride you show when telling people about the baby, or that you are a big brother. It warms my heart to see you trying to introduce the world to her, and her to everyone. I look forward to seeing how this plays out.

Love,
Dad