We all make mistakes
"Hockey games, medical claims, police reports, terrible grades; J, I'm so proud of all the things that you have done" *
To err is human. To be human is to err. I make mistakes (daily), your Mother makes mistakes (every other day), and each of you make mistakes. When you are small, these mistakes tend to reflect that and also be small. Perhaps you knew you should have been nice to your younger sibling, but your patience ran out and you lost your temper. In another instance, it is possible that you knew it was wrong to sneak that cookie into your bedroom, eat half, and then hide the rest under your pillow, but you just could not resist the urge.
As you grow, so do your potential mistakes. As a teenager, maybe it will be a car accident because you were texting or trying to impress the person in the car with you. Maybe you will get caught shoplifting tiny items, probably out of boredom and the desire to push boundaries and test limits in a safe suburban life with little risk. (Does that idiotic idea sound like something my brain would come up with? You are correct; I refer you back to this.) Hopefully none of these mistakes are drastically life altering, such as a teenage pregnancy or drunk driving, but if we are being honest, I have no power to stop you from making those mistakes. The best I can do is teach you good values, integrity, and the importance of accepting your mistakes and trying to make them right. And your Mother and I can love you.
Eventually, your ability to make mistakes will expand to the point that you can bring about life changing outcomes and immense suffering not only to yourselves, but also to many others: a partner or spouse, any children you may have, other people on the road, companies you work for.
My hope is that you will make many mistakes starting early, because that is how you will learn where your weaknesses are; what pitfalls you need to avoid entirely, what situations cause you to have lapses in judgment, and who the people are that you can rely on. I also hope that you learn how to face those errors head on, with honestly, humility and the knowledge that you must do what you can to make it right, even if that will never be enough. Learn those lessons when the stakes are low. Learn how to apologize. Learn how to accept fault. Learn these things when you are young, and the stakes are low and the consequences are minimal.
Most importantly, learn that we mean it when we say, “We will always love you, no matter what you do.” I want you to be sure, by the time you are an adult, that your Mother and I will always have your back. Do not assume that means we will back your dumb decisions. Sometimes loving someone means saying to them, “That was a really boneheaded decision, and I do not understand why you did it; but I am here for you, let me know what I can do to help.” You follow that up with a hug and a kiss, and then you work together to try to straighten things out.
Every mistake we make shapes us into who we become. Each one also presents an opportunity to learn a valuable lesson, assuming we take the time and make the effort to learn from it. Without some of my extremely foolish errors, I would not have known what I wanted in life, met your Mother, or been able to sustain a happy marriage with her. I am grateful I had the freedom to stumble and grow throughout my life, and I hope you have the same opportunity. Please do not ever think I want perfection from you; all I want is for you to own your mistakes, try to make them right, and learn from each one. So go out there, live your life and fall down; just get back up and keep going. We are proud of you.
Love,
Dad
*For those of you who did not graduate H.S. in the mid 2000s and do not understand that very dated reference, please see here.