Lying is poison to relationships

Lying comes in myriad shapes and sizes, from the so-called little white lie to the whopper that can end your marriage or land you in trouble with the law. A loose relationship with the truth was something that was universally looked down upon for much of human history, with the general sentiment being something along the lines of “My word is my bond.” When society was based on verbal agreements and honor systems, being trustworthy (or having a reputation for possessing integrity) was important because that reputation opened doors to you. It seems that in the past years to decades, this has fallen out of favor. The new attitude seems to embrace the idea that if there is not a legally binding contract, or you are not under oath, there is no need to speak the truth or follow through on your commitments.

Given that I have spent countless time repeating “Honesty is the best policy” and “You will always get in more trouble for lying than for whatever it was that you lied about,” I am sure you already know my feelings on the matter. To be known as an honest, trustworthy person, regardless of the circumstances, is of immense value. When a person knows you will always tell the truth, even if it is not to your benefit, they will never second guess what you tell them. They will not have to do the internal calculation of the probability of you speaking the truth, and will reflexively trust your declarations. People known for being honest are of immense value, both in business and in personal relationships.

Imagine for a moment that you are known to be dishonest. Your significant other is suspicious of your behavior, as you have been around them less and non-responsive when they reach out. You tell them that there is nothing wrong, but they know you lie on occasion. Your reassurances offer them nothing- they know you sometimes lie-and they continue to suspect something is going on. Eventually, they confront you on it, leading to an argument and your feeling attacked. This behavior is totally reasonable on their part, even if you were perhaps simply busy at work, or planning a surprise party.

Now imagine the opposite. Your significant other is well aware that you do not lie, despite all your other shortcomings and imperfections. You tell the truth, always. If it is an unpleasant truth, you try to be polite and diplomatic, but you do not mislead. When the truth makes you look bad, you still share it, while being apologetic for the behavior. If there is ever a moment of doubt, whatever you say will implicitly be trusted. There will be no second guessing, no lingering doubts. This allows the problem to be resolved simply by you speaking.

As employment goes, the same applies. If an employee regularly admits when they have made mistakes, not attempting to cover up, their supervisors know they always tell the truth, even when it makes them look bad. When they ask a team for thoughts, there will be no doubt that what this individual says is their honest view, and can make decisions accordingly. If employees regularly mislead, even in small ways, they cannot be relied upon, and are less likely to be involved in decisions. This will not benefit the specific employee, their team, or the company as a whole.

Relationships are living things. Every word out of your mouth, and every action you carry out, either feeds and strengthens it, or weakens and kills it. Honesty is like spinach, or kale; you may not always find it to be pleasant, but it is always good for you. A lie is like sugar, it may come out sounding sweet, but in the end, it will kill you. Be honest, everyone around you will thank you in the long run.

Love,
Dad