Life's solo journey continues

Part 2 of 2

Last time we discussed this, I pointed out two problems of forgetting that life is ours, and ours alone. I expanded on the risks of forgetting this fact: projection, unfair judgment, lack of empathy and charity to name a few. Today, I would like to touch on the second aspect, which is that we would be well advised to remember this fact when making decisions. When we make a decision, all of which modify the course of life, we are the ones who will deal with the complete range of consequences.

As is often the case, I want to try to cut-off the attempt to discount this by pointing out obvious flaws. I am NOT arguing that no one else should be considered, nor that others are unaffected by our decisions. I am stating that you are the singular creature that will suffer the full scope of ramifications through the duration of your life. This is regardless of whether the repercussion is to your benefit or detriment.

To illustrate this point, I would like to go back to the Good Books. In the sixth installment of the Harry Potter series, we learn that Severus Snape is responsible for passing on the information to Voldemort that resulted in the death of Harry’s parents. Harry is quite angry, understandably, and some of his anger is directed at Albus Dumbledore, who has hidden this fact from him, as well as continued to trust and employ Severus.

Towards the end of the series, we learn the truth about Severus Snape. What a tragedy his life is, once we learn the truth. He had been in love with Lily Potter, née Evans, since childhood. Due to his own poor choices, including bad friends and embracing the dark arts, he had cost himself the chance to continue his relationship with her, whether romantically or as a friend. This rejection pushed him even further down into the dark arts, and he willingly walked that path. It takes his final poor decision, passing information to Voldemort that results in her death, to pull him back from the abyss.

While this may have resulted in his ultimate redemption, it did not make him a “good guy.” Snape remained bitter, jealous and angry. He perpetually bullied a child and teenager, seemingly to assuage some of his own self-loathing, resentment and anguish- all because that child reminded him of what he lost and how he lost it. What a tragic portrait is painted; and what a wonderfully vibrant warning is given to the reader.

I would have you notice that many other people affected by his choices, as is generally the case. The Potters died and Harry was orphaned. Voldemort lost his body, and took the first steps towards his ultimate downfall. Each character remained an agent, free to choose how they would respond, and each suffering or benefiting from their own choices. Snape, however, is the only person who fully lived out the resulting pain and anguish of his own unique choices.

This is crucial, so please read closely. We cannot choose many of our circumstances, which are absolutely affected by the actions of others. We simply choose how to respond, and live with what we choose. The Potters died trying to protect their child. Harry could have become embittered by his life, but instead chose to live, love and fight. Dumbledore might have rejected Snape’s offer to spy, or refused to see the good left in him. Snape could have chosen to forgive himself, or love Harry as a reminder of the woman whose eyes he shared. Either would have resulted in his suffering less agony and bitterness through his life, had he so chosen. Voldemort could have ignored the information Snape shared, avoiding his decade plus of suffering as a spirit in Hell, but instead chose to act, bringing on the suffering that he alone experienced.

Just as we cannot choose our circumstances, we cannot choose third order effects of our own actions. We act, as do others. Others act, and then we choose our response. Each of us is an agent, or person capable of choosing, and we will deal with the results of how our own actions uniquely impact us. Not in a vacuum, but in a way that no one else will fully feel or understand. Our choices, responses and reactions will ultimately shape our own lives, from the moment we choose until the moment we die. This includes the fact that we will live with the knowledge that our actions prompted the responses of others to a certain extent. You cannot bear responsibility for the responses of others, just as they are not responsible for your choices.

I suppose the question becomes, what to do with this information? The lesson I take away is something akin to the point I tried to make discussing eternal return. Knowing we will fully live out our consequences should motivate us to make better decisions. When young, you alone will suffer fully from failing to live up to your potential in school. If you develop a drinking problem, you are the only person who will deal with every aspect of it, including the potential shame, guilt or inability to succeed in other aspects of your life. Your spouse and children may suffer; or you may fail to marry anyone, due to the red flags you exude. Each consequence will ripple out, and others may be touched, but the ripples are shaping your future in its entirety.

Upon graduating from high school, you will each get to choose for yourselves whether to travel, go to college, enter a trade or do any other number of things. If college, you may opt for an affordable education while working, or you may choose to graduate saddled with six-figures of debt. These choices will influence your job prospects and income, which in turn may affect your dating and marriage prospects. You may have better housing options, or fail to qualify for a mortgage due to a high debt-to-income ratio, which could potentially get in the way of having children or affect how many.

What all of this has in common is that you are the lone individual who will deal with all aspects of it. Didn’t get married? You are the one who will be lonely. Can’t afford housing? You are the person who may not enjoy a good retirement. Hate your job? Who do you think will be suffering day in and day out for 1/3 of their day, sitting stewing in misery?

There are a million and a half examples I could give to illustrate the importance of not being self-centered in your decision-making. Yes, you alone will be in jail if you carry out armed robbery, but another person could be injured or killed because you decided to do so. Man is not an island, no matter how atomized we try to make society. While you cannot make all your decisions focused on others, obviously other people will factor into your decision making process. This is even more applicable when you have your own children to consider. I am sure I will share more thoughts on that in the future.

For the time being, you are young, and your choices will influence your future uniquely. Each choice you make is like a thread. Look at any given one, and you don’t see much. Combine enough, and a rough image of your life comes together. Choose wisely, and you may look back on a beautifully woven series of choices that resulted in a beautifully crafted tapestry, full of color and joy. If you are short sighted, you may find yourself looking back on a wasted, wretched life. Either way, it was your doing, and you will live with that knowledge. In the end, it will be your life, and no one else’s to suffer or enjoy.

Love,
Dad