"I think I'll miss you most of all"
We do not spend much time apart, but it does happen. At times, your Mother is brave enough to travel solo with you to see her parents. Other, more frequent times, involve me going away for work. I generally do not go far, but the truth is, not being in the house with you all is far enough. This week is one of those weeks. I am a mere three hours away, but in my world, it may as well be a lifetime.
First, a word of gratitude to your Mom. Three kids, especially with one being a spirted daughter who sets her own path and another being a two year old determined to smash every object into oblivion, is a lot for a Mom to handle. She does a wonderful job while I am gone, and I am grateful. There is also the added benefit that I suspect she appreciates my efforts a little more after living without for five days. “Distance makes the heart grow…” and all of that.
I am well aware that none of you understand, at your current ages, why I have to leave. I suspect you think I am doing something spectacular and fun, or that I would rather be wherever I am. None of this could be further from the truth. I leave for one reason, and one reason only: work requires me to, and doing my job well is both my duty, and my privilege. My job allows you children to have the life you have, which includes having your Mom home with you. Being able to provide that is something I am immensely grateful for.
What do I actually do while I am away? A good question, with a very boring answer. In general, I play to the whims of grown people who have forgotten how to function in a life with inconveniences, and make sure that everything is smoothly laid out in front of them, no cracks to trip on. I also walk other fully grown humans through basic tasks like checking out of hotel rooms, renting cars or thanking the catering staff for their hard work and professionalism.
None of this is bad stuff to do, but it is somewhat mind boggling to me. You see, I often take what I witness at work, and reinforce in myself the need to teach my children to be functioning, self-sufficient, critically thinking humans. My job is a constant reminder of what failing to do so looks like decades later. When your job is, essentially, “do everything beforehand and in the background so no one realizes what you do, things just work out,” you eventually realize how bad at basic life people are.
And sometimes, helping people through this requires me to be gone for meetings as I hold some hands. If that sounds like I am bitter or ungrateful, then I have done this poorly. I am extremely grateful that a job like mine exists; being compensated for this is an epic windfall. I do not know many jobs that pay you to keep a cool head, send some emails, and politely meet with event staff to say, “Yes, what we agreed to in writing is what we will do. By the way, can you push back that portion of the agenda 5 minutes, and also, one of my guests cannot make it due to bad weather, any chance you can not charge us for his room?”
In fact, that is the easiest part of my job. Literally everything else I do is more difficult than travelling for events like this. Shipping a few thousand people over state lines each year for trainings? Not easy. Managing a fleet of hundreds of cars? It takes time and attention to detail. Trying to squeeze events into the craziest calendar I have ever seen? Almost impossible. But this? As far as work tasks go, easy.
There is also the fact that I get to meet new, interesting people and see beautiful places. We tend not to have events where it is ugly, Vegas excluded. Whether it is Seattle, or Palm Springs, Carmel or Lake Tahoe, I cannot complain that I am being sent to awful places. In fact, they are some of the easiest places to recognize natural beauty.
The difficulty comes in being away from you, the truly beautiful part of my life. The highlights of my day are, every single day, in no particular order:
a toddler screaming “Daddy” as they plow into my knees when I walk through the door
reading Harry Potter before bed
telling you that Mom is right (this is probably Number 1)
having your Mom scratch my back as I fall asleep
cooking dinner while hearing chaos everywhere else
bamboo sheets (hotels do not have these)
seeing how tired Mom looks and thinking, “Damn, I am lucky that we can afford to have someone be so tired because she is home doing the most important work ever
telling you to go to bed for the whatever-nth time and hearing the new ploy of telling me you couldn’t sleep because you will miss me too much
You see, work is something I have the honor of doing for you. That gets muddled, however, when it takes me from you. I miss you all dearly, and it breaks my heart. I did not realize that quiet would make it impossible to sleep, but apparently it does. Who knew that we get used to screaming, crying, nursing and tossing/turning? Once it is gone, we realize how much we miss it.
Just know, getting home and seeing all of you then sleeping in my bed next to Mom are always the best part of every trip I take. Dorothy had it right… “There’s no place like home…”
Love,
Dad