“Perception is reality.”
-Me, having smoked weed in college
The deepest thought that a stoned college student ever has is the realization that our minds are far more powerful than we ever recognized, and that the reality we perceive is the only one we know. Is that person walking by really looking at us? It really does not matter, you respond to the fact that you perceive they are giving you the look, they know.
As we make our way through the world, we must remember that perception is reality. If you say, “That is not my favorite dress” to your girlfriend, they may interpret that to mean they look awful in the dress, and respond like you slapped them. It is completely irrelevant that your words did not say anything like that, it only matters how they are understood.
For a large chunk of our life, the only reality that we can live in is the one we perceive. Exceptions include reading fiction, which allows us to walk in someone else’s shoes, moments when measurable reality reigns supreme, and times when we are particularly self-aware. For 97% of human existence, we observe a world, filter it through our mind and experience, and respond accordingly.
When I was 17 years old, I was absolutely, unmovably sure that my parents were idiots, that they were trying to make my life hard, and that they had no idea what it was like to be a teenager.
More importantly, I was totally convinced that my girlfriend’s parents were just trying to stand in the way of true love.
I made all decisions based on my understanding of the world. I ignored advice from my parents. I judged Mr. D as uptight, paranoid and judgmental. I felt hard done by and felt like it was me and my girlfriend against the odds; and I behaved accordingly.
There was no amount of persuasion that could talk me out of this view. The only experience I had confirmed that I was completely and totally accurate in my view. Any disagreement came from malice or stupidity, because anyone with my perspective and understanding would make the logical decisions I was making.
Trying to sell another human on the idea that their mind is misaligned is a fool’s errand. The mind sees what it sees, hears what it hears, and knows what it knows. When it perceives a threat, there is no reasoning it out of responding with a “fight or flight” physical reaction.
If I “know” that I am right, I will act accordingly, and not adjust my behavior according to objective criteria from the world around me. Believing that police want to shoot me due to my race will cause me to react in fear, because that is the reality I am living in, which will probably cause me to behave in a way that will heighten the suspicion of an officer. Assuming that I have been wronged by a loved one will make my hyper aware of how else their actions may have not been in my best interest, eventually causing me to notice additional small ways in which they have wronged me. Feeling like a boss is out to get me will probably make me anxious and less able to focus on work, causing my performance to dip and increasing the odds of getting in trouble at work.
We respond to the stimuli around us, but through a very flawed lens in our own mind. It is human nature. We should make sure that we are aware of this cognitive bias, and remind ourselves of this fact frequently.
Love,
Dad
I’m having an odd reaction to this one. I’m not exactly sure which direction you’re wanting us to take it.
As someone who has worked in the medical field, I would obviously say that no perception is not at all reality. You may think you’re perfectly fine, but you have cancer. You may think you don’t need this medicine, but you’ll be dead in two months without it.