No, you may not choose the music; no, it is not just to be mean
There comes a moment in every young person’s life when they begin to have their own opinions, tastes and preferences. As a parent, it is the absolute worst wonderful to watch each of you come into your own, develop unique opinions and tastes, and explore the world to see what suits you and what is not to your liking.
I remember the first time one of you made a request for music, and how surprised and delighted I was. Those pleasant emotions are gone. Instead, it is exasperation and dread when one of you starts a sentence with “Dad, can we please listen to…” because I know it will likely be from some awful made for television Disney movie, or a Weird Al song, probably Word Crimes. Make no mistake, I love Weird Al. Classics like Albuquerque, The Night Santa Went Crazy, Amish Paradise, and Phony Calls were all staples of my childhood. With that said, I would prefer not listen to parodies of songs which I despise, and I can only handle so much nasal on any given car ride.
I perpetually tell you that when you have bought the car, pay for your insurance, purchase the gasoline powering the vehicle, and are driving, then you can choose the music. Until then, the answer remains no.
Why am I so mean about this? First, because I prefer to listen to music of my liking. Second, because I waited my entire childhood and adolescence to choose the music, and because of this, have a much broader and more wholistic knowledge and taste of music. Third, because there must be perks to offset some of the negatives of growing up.
So many adults seem to feel that growing up is all a raw deal. Added stress, financial responsibilities, more constraints on your time and energy; these are all real additions to life as you age and mature. Viewed like this, it seems obvious that Peter Pan syndrome would run rampant in our society. Why would anyone willingly embrace these changes? Because, there are many perks that offset the negatives. Your Mother and I choose what is for dinner, meaning it is what we would like to eat. We select the music we listen to in the car. We set our own bedtimes (although, that is more often than not determined by exhaustion levels and the amount of schoolwork to do than desire, but in principle, we could choose differently).
Those are all superficial examples, but the agency and autonomy they represent is real. Adults have the freedom to choose a job, or a career path. The freedom to prioritize where money is spent allows travel, saving, or splurging on a very nice meal at a steakhouse or sushi restaurant. None of these are options open to most children. You live in an ordered world, with firm boundaries when you start. As you learn, grow, and demonstrate the ability to rise to the responsibilities placed on you, more freedom and options are open to you.
This process continues, as long as you choose wisely, and as an adult, will mostly be limited by the consequences to your previous choices. Poor financial choices may limit your freedom to travel or splurge. Not rising to the occasion with your education may limit career choices. Driving drunk would stop the ability to choose music while driving, because people without a license do not drive. You get the point.
People refer to the carrot and the stick. The stick is the threat of negative consequences. The carrot is the reward you strive towards. If you get the carrot for free, why would you push forward?
So yes, choosing the music is something that I will continue to dangle in front of you for the foreseeable future. You will learn to deal with it, and will probably be highly motivated to get your license as soon as possible.
Love,
Dad